Sunday, February 26, 2012

Alone in the Middle of an Ocean of Humanity

Listening to: Tom and Jerry
Mood: Meh

As I mentioned before, the G household is being run only by myself at the moment as Daddy G is in the US taking care of business.  I don’t happen to be particularly lonely at the moment, but I have had my share of moments like those.  It’s not the traditional type of loneliness though. 98% of the time in India, you are never actually alone. Ever. You would have to go WAY out into the countryside (but not so far that you start approaching civilization again) and probably sit somewhere in the middle of the night to truly be alone – and really, not worth it. It’s that weird feeling you get when you feel like you’re in the middle of a crowd of people, but not really a part of it. That moody, sulky feeling you get when you go to a party and have a hard time finding someone you want to talk to. Or maybe that’s just my teenaged high school memories resurfacing. We live in a huge apartment complex. It’s an amazing place and almost always has people wandering around doing something or other.

Another thing that has been a challenge for me is that it is harder to make friends here, especially being who I am. I’m pretty sucky at making friends. It takes me FOREVER to get to know and get to be close to people. Once I do, I’m friends for life and completely loyal, but it takes me a long, long time to open up to people on that level. It really is reminiscent to me of New York. You can be in and among people for a long time, but unless you interact and really, really make an effort to be friendly and find people with things in common, you can float along without really making friends at all.  

I can and do make my own friends, but I really feel that here, Daddy G is almost like a middle ground for me with others.  I can totally understand why people are a little intimidated by me and aren’t quick to approach me either.  I look different. I come from a completely different world than people here. For some, language is definitely a sticky spot.

The biggest hang up I have in this whole business is getting out of my house and being where there are other people. My kids go out to play every day and it’s such a big relief to have quiet time, I really don’t feel like going out and meeting other people.

There really isn’t a quick answer to feeling alone in another country if you’re more the quiet type like I am. It takes time to meet people and get to feel like you’re a part of a community. It’s been such a long time since Daddy G and I moved across country last time, I rather forgot what it felt like. It’s not overwhelming, or something I would leave over, it’s just rather discouraging some times. I still miss all of our friends a lot. It would be amazing to make some new ones here. I think I should go take a walk and say hello to some people.


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