Sunday, October 24, 2010

Decisions Decisions.

Mood: Rather Lost. I missed an entire week somewhere.
Listening to: Random Hindi on the Ipod.

As I mentioned last time, my sister in law and her family have taken the leap and returned to whence they came from. My husband’s brother in law’s mother is suffering from terminal cancer. This kind of made their move to India happen on terms that weren’t entirely voluntary or prepared for, but thus is the family duty of an Indian son. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been easy for them. In fact, it has been downright difficult.  As family and people contemplating whether this is feasible or not for our family, we have heard first had the struggles they have had and continue to have. Their youngest is 6 and is taking this the hardest. Before my husband and I got married all those 7 years ago, we had many a tortured discussion on this very topic. He didn’t think I would understand fully the implications that committing to an Indian son would entail. To be fair, I still cannot fully understand this aspect of it, nor will I until/unless we land up there. I love my sister in law dearly and it kills me to watch her have such a hard time of it.

For our family, the decision to move or not has hit a bit of a standstill. My husband is the type that takes decisions very, very seriously. They must be weighed out properly taking every single data point out there into account. While this makes for a very responsible man who makes very good decisions most of the time, it does slow down the process. A lot. The more we hear about how difficult my sister in law has had it, the more he needs to take into consideration. I always worry that my husband will think that we will automatically have the same experience as his sister (he’s prone to that!). While I understand their family’s duty to be with his parents, I would love to make a move that is on our own terms, that we actually felt that we decided to do. He also doesn’t know what he wants to do with his career (which supports us) or whether or not India even fits into that picture, complicating things a great deal.

I’m one of those people who is a firm believer that mind set is a very, very powerful thing. If I set my mind to something, it will get done, if at all possible. I would much rather go to India on our own terms and have the mindset that we’re going to make something positive out of it. In my own humble opinion, this is what is making some of the time so miserable for my sister in law. I’m of the opinion (which I agree is terribly na├»ve sometimes) that if we decide that we can find things to enjoy and persevere through those we really don’t, we’ll be fine. I know this will sound ridiculously sanctimonious, but it’s my viewpoint on life. There are people who have life really rough. Not enough food, or a roof over their head. Discomforts like this can be worked through. Our family would not be the first, and definitely won’t be the last. We have the benefit of hearing my sister in law’s struggles and preparing the best that we can ahead of time. That in and of itself is a blessing that I feel her family didn’t have.

So I guess we’ll sit tight until hubs feels like he has enough data points to make such decisions. For me it’s more of what direction do you want to go in life, and do you WANT to make India happen. If you do, great, let’s go. The timing is right. If not, ok. For him, it’s a major, scary decision that can’t be planned in a day, even with the intention of finding a general direction.  It’s a good thing though. If we both made life decisions like I do, God only knows where we would be!


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