Tuesday, January 15, 2013

The One in Which I Admit that I’m a Horrible Blogger. And Lonely.


Alrighty then. So this should come as a surprise to actually no one. Hello, my name is Becky G and I’m a horrible blogger. I blog about as often as I call my mother or my friends, which I suppose makes me a terrible daughter and friend, but we’ll leave that for another post. I could give you all the excuses (I’m too busy!) but I’ll spare you even if they are true. Really, I suck at making myself write every day (or few days, or week or damn, how long has it been??).

One of the reasons I’ve been absent from writing is some of the things that have been going on in India lately. Trust me, I have a What the Hell India brewing in my mind and I have a lot to say on what’s been happening. I don’t want to get into this just yet though.
The G family has been in India for a year now. We’ve settled in for all practical purposes. Try not to fall over in surprise, but I have actually made my own friends and I have my own activities going on. I knew that I would probably be lonely before we settled in and I got used to things – anyone with 2 pickles worth of common sense would realize this. What I didn’t plan on was really, really missing my family and the US in general even after we had adjusted and started making friends.  I find myself day dreaming about my friends and the small town with a sense of loss and missing that I never ever had in the US, even though I left that town over 10 years ago and logically don’t want to move back there.

I find it difficult to admit this to people that I talk to from the US because so many told me it would happen. Everyone hates being told “I told you so”, even if it’s true and that person knew it was coming. I would hate for people to think that I’m miserable and pouty and so achinly homesick that I can’t function and I hate it here. That’s just the thing – I don’t. I love it here! As I mentioned, I have friends, I run a business, the weather is perfect right now, I get around and am able to do what I need to get done even with Daddy G travelling. But my Grandmother has been unwell recently. As I mentioned before, she is one of my favorite people on the entire earth. I actually wondered if I would see her alive again, which broke my heart. Even if I wanted to go to her town if she got sick (or god forbid died) I couldn’t, which is very different from living in New York. The fact that I can’t just jump on a plane every time I needed to and fly home is really doing a number on my psych.

We’re planning  a trip to the US in May and I’m super excited about it.  I have the feeling that I’ll be gob smacked  by the sense of not belonging (which happens EVERY time I wander back to the town I grew up in) which would be a good thing. Having this place reinforced as home will be good for my mind, even if I do miss my family. I’m used to seeing them every year for a month, so it will be good to spend the time with them. I have a sneaking suspicion that the US will be a bit alien to me since I’ve been gone so long. Folks, I haven’t driven a car in a year and I’m almost afraid to now. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it for a while. People can change a lot in the course of a year depending on the surroundings.
Unfortunately, I don’t think this feeling will go away any time soon and will just have to be one I learn to live with as long as we live far away from my family.
Becky

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